So here I am, back in Minnesota again. Just as I did when I got back from Australia and every time I came home for a break from college I already feel like my amazing summer experiences are far behind me, almost a different life. I don't like that feeling but it happens every time and it's hard to fight.
I do like being home. I love my parents and my friends and my animals (Bravo, my dog, is currently sleeping on the floor next to my bed and I'm going to see my horse tomorrow and cannot wait). I love my room, even if it is still preposterously messy and filled with Stuff I Don't Need. I love the weather. It is cool (even the highs here are about the same as the temperature we got at 3am in the desert on the coldest days) and sometimes cloudy and everything is just so green. I do love fall, even when I am not at all used to it and have to wear three layers to Fest.
I went to the Renaissance Festival yesterday. I love it, even though most of the shows are the same year after year (Zilch said he was going to do a "newer" story and then proceeded to tell one that is on the CD we bought at least 5 years ago). I saw old friends (and missed some others, sadly). It's just...nice. I went to the doctor today, the same office I've been going to my entire life. How do you even go about finding a new doctor?
Here is another difficult predicament to be in facing an entirely unknown future: Where do I want to live? I love the Midwest, I really do, but I'm sick of the winters and I need a change. Over the summer working every day in the desert was absolutely beautiful but every weekend we visited somewhere with trees (especially Sequoia) and water I just felt so much more calm and happy. I think trees are a requirement for anywhere I live. Plus my body and the desert just aren't friends. I could not keep myself hydrated. Once, after I'd been in the desert for three months, I drank 6 liters (almost 2 gallons) of water in a day (granted, a day with a lot of hiking but it wasn't that strenuous) and STILL felt headachey and sick at the end of it. I also love mountains, and the ocean. When I visited friends in San Diego I was shocked that out of the 4 people I was staying with, who had been in the city for lengths of time varying from one month to almost three years, not a single one of them had been in the ocean yet. I, on the other hand, was in the city for two days and swam on each. I got teased a lot this summer for being the first one in and the last one out almost any time there was any body of water large enough to take a dip. I may not need to live near the ocean, but I at least need a lot of good lakes.
Then there's the whole city vs. country issue. In general I consider myself more of a country type of girl, which is good if I want to continue this whole wildlife biology type of thing. But when I visited San Diego with my friends walking through Balboa Park I realized how much I love museums and theatres and arboretums and events with people...the kinds of things that are generally more plentiful and done better in big cities. However, I could never live in a big city that didn't have an easy way to escape the cityness. The only city I have ever really and truly felt 100% comfortable in, the only city where I got that "Yeah. I could live here." kind of feeling, was Sydney. I think a lot of it had to do with the amount of ocean surrounding it, the sunshine, the cleanliness, the public transport, the friendliness of the people, and especially the absolutely enormous botanical gardens. They were huge and beautiful and teeming with life. The only problem with Sydney is that it is a million billion miles away from everyone I love.
The other great thing about cities, I just have to digress for a second, is the radio. God, how I missed Minnesota Public Radio! In Barstow it wasn't that they had a lack of stations, it was just that almost every single station fit into one of three categories: Jesus, Mexican Polka, or Pop Music. Needless to say, I spent a lot of the summer listening to pop and have consequently developed the theory that as long as a pop song is catchy (which they all are) the more times you hear it the more you will begin to like it, no matter how much you hated it to begin with. By the end of the summer I would not even change the station when even the songs that had made me want to gag earlier in the summer would come on. It was a little like being brainwashed.
But really, how do you pick a place to live? Generally speaking many people pick based on where their job takes them, but it has to be some kind of consideration. Currently I am choosing based on where the greatest number of my friends are and moving to Beloit. But where to after that? Should I find another field job, any that will take me, and just go there? Should I move to Madison to further maximize my friend-surroundedness? Should I go somewhere I've never been before but have always wanted to go? Or should I follow Miles' example and travel around for a while, searching for the perfect place, and only settle down when I decide the town I've found is the one that I want to be living in? How do you know where you really want to live unless you live there?
All I know is that I think 3 months should be my limit for actually living in Beloit. I know that everyone I've talked to has told me that it won't be weird and they want me around and everything, but I'm getting nervous about it. I think it's going to be weird for me even if it isn't for other people. Maybe it won't be and I'm overthinking it, and maybe it shouldn't be, but I think it might. But then again, I think living anywhere is going to be weird for a while. Barstow certainly was, living at home for an extended period would definitely become weird, any new city would take a while to get used to even if it were filled with friends. So, I should stop worrying and enjoy my three months of Figuring Stuff Out (followed by a lifetime of Figuring Stuff Out, just hopefully with slightly more solid footing and other things to do as well).
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