I am employed! This is terribly exciting! Better yet, it is full time! And it pays decently! It is an extremely silly job...well, the job itself is not that silly but there is no way to describe it that does not sound silly. I blame it on "cheese" being an inherently silly word. But, here goes: I test cheese. So far I know how to test the fat content, I'm learning how to test moisture, salts, etc. and hopefully at some point I will get to work in the micro lab and test cultures. It's long days and it's a lot of standing and moving around but so far (all two days) I really like it! I'm not stuck at a computer staring at a screen, I'm actually doing things with my hands and I get to feel accomplished every time I write down data. It's tangible, which I like. And I get to do a variety of things. Not so much today, but over all I will be. Also we listen to the oldies station, which makes me happy because I can sing and dance a little bit. Also we are not only allowed, but encouraged to wear crappy clothes cause there is acid and whatnot. Plus I get to wear a lab coat, which makes me feel like a real scientist.
The only major downside so far is that it is far away. It's in Monroe, WI, which Google Maps declares is 51 minutes away but is more like 40 minutes from what I can tell. Either way, it is far, and I'm worried about what will happen when it snows because it is on a two-lane back highway. For now, the drive is absolutely lovely and I'm going away from the sun in either direction, which is nice. Also I've started listening to Lord of the Rings on tape as I drive, which was a brilliant decision.
The only other down- or also maybe upside is that I really don't know how long this job is going to last. I am a temp, technically, and paid by the recruiting company that hired me, not the cheese people. When they called they said it would be for a month or two, which is pretty perfect if I can find a job in Madison and move up there (Epic, perhaps? We shall see!) but then when I got there they said they might be looking at hiring me on if they like me and have the money so who knows? That might be okay, too. Although, similarly, I would still need a place to live in January. Either way I can still give two week's notice whenever I want which is pretty sweet, as the other job I was maybe possibly going to get through this recruiting company had a 6 month contract. I like this a lot better.
I'm glad not to have to worry about money right away, and I like what I'm doing. So far I'm having fun and not really mourning the loss of my oodles of free time but we'll see how long that lasts. I still really want to move to Madison if I can find a way to make that work, but I guess we'll see what happens. I still haven't heard back from the far away wildlife positions and I still don't know what to do about that. I'm not going to worry for right now. I have a place to live and a job and even though both will disappear in a matter of months, it makes me feel very self-sufficient and proud, like maybe I will be okay in this big wide scary world, after all.
Also contributing to this feeling: I solved a car problem. By myself. I'm awesome.
Monday, October 24, 2011
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Be Vewy Vewy Quiet, I'm Hunting Jobs!
So I have been enjoying my time here in Beloit quite a bit, actually. I've been spending a lot of my time hanging out at the college with friends and Alexander, whether or not it is good for me or it feels like I'm regressing or whatever, it is really nice. I've been having fun.
I have also been applying to jobs. A lot of jobs. I almost got a job, actually. I put my resume up on a website, the next day I got a call, the day after that I had an interview and it seemed like everything was going well. Then for about a week and a half they led me on saying I got it, I didn't get it, I was back in the running again, etc. etc. Finally I found out I did not get it. I guess under the circumstances it doesn't much matter what the job was. It wasn't ideal but it was really great and I am sad that I didn't get hired, but in the end maybe it will prove to be for the best. I'm not going to lie, a large part of the reason I am sad is that it means I have to keep applying to things. The application process is the worst. I'm so sick of writing over and over again all the places I've worked for the past four years and everything I've done. The wildlife positions are nice because you usually just need your resume and a cover letter, maybe some references. For some of the larger companies they have about ten pages of questions, at least two of each, all asking in roundabout ways whether I'm a psycho or sociopath and if I will not show up for work because I have been killed in some sort of horrific sky-diving accident, or perhaps go crazy and murder a customer. At least, as far as I can tell that is what they are trying to get at. Then there are the applications that you have to get online but you can't fill out online, you have to print the application and deliver it in person or mail it or whatever.
I'm applying to things in Madison, still thinking I might try to move there in January but it depends on a number of things. I'm still a little afraid that I will get too comfortable in a nice city full of friends and will become too content working in a minimum wage or slightly-above minimum wage job and put off/forget about my ambitions and grad school, etc. My parents each separately told me this is not a thing I should worry about. I guess it makes sense, since I won't be able to go to grad school for at least another year after this one (I do not have enough time to apply before deadlines, and I think another year off would be nice) so I might as well spend it in a place that makes me happy. I don't have much drawing me in any other directions right now. I have applied to a few other jobs, wildlife jobs that don't pay much and that mean living in a cramped house probably in the middle of nowhere again. That was fun for the summer, I really liked it and I could make friends plus...wildlife biology but also...friends...I don't know. I guess I'll just see what, if anything, emails me back. Wheeeeee being unemployed! Life is scary but also kind of exciting. No. Bad Karis. Life is SUPER EXCITING AND NOT SCARY! I will repeat this until it becomes true.
I have also been applying to jobs. A lot of jobs. I almost got a job, actually. I put my resume up on a website, the next day I got a call, the day after that I had an interview and it seemed like everything was going well. Then for about a week and a half they led me on saying I got it, I didn't get it, I was back in the running again, etc. etc. Finally I found out I did not get it. I guess under the circumstances it doesn't much matter what the job was. It wasn't ideal but it was really great and I am sad that I didn't get hired, but in the end maybe it will prove to be for the best. I'm not going to lie, a large part of the reason I am sad is that it means I have to keep applying to things. The application process is the worst. I'm so sick of writing over and over again all the places I've worked for the past four years and everything I've done. The wildlife positions are nice because you usually just need your resume and a cover letter, maybe some references. For some of the larger companies they have about ten pages of questions, at least two of each, all asking in roundabout ways whether I'm a psycho or sociopath and if I will not show up for work because I have been killed in some sort of horrific sky-diving accident, or perhaps go crazy and murder a customer. At least, as far as I can tell that is what they are trying to get at. Then there are the applications that you have to get online but you can't fill out online, you have to print the application and deliver it in person or mail it or whatever.
I'm applying to things in Madison, still thinking I might try to move there in January but it depends on a number of things. I'm still a little afraid that I will get too comfortable in a nice city full of friends and will become too content working in a minimum wage or slightly-above minimum wage job and put off/forget about my ambitions and grad school, etc. My parents each separately told me this is not a thing I should worry about. I guess it makes sense, since I won't be able to go to grad school for at least another year after this one (I do not have enough time to apply before deadlines, and I think another year off would be nice) so I might as well spend it in a place that makes me happy. I don't have much drawing me in any other directions right now. I have applied to a few other jobs, wildlife jobs that don't pay much and that mean living in a cramped house probably in the middle of nowhere again. That was fun for the summer, I really liked it and I could make friends plus...wildlife biology but also...friends...I don't know. I guess I'll just see what, if anything, emails me back. Wheeeeee being unemployed! Life is scary but also kind of exciting. No. Bad Karis. Life is SUPER EXCITING AND NOT SCARY! I will repeat this until it becomes true.
Monday, October 3, 2011
Beloit Homecoming 2011
Well I’m back in Beloit and mostly unpacked. I really love the house. It’s the upstairs of a house four blocks off campus, old but well taken care of, with a couple of rooms, lots of helpful closets, a very cute screened porch, and a bright yellow kitchen. Sarah is fun to live with so far, friends helped me move in and some neighbors even came over to help and invite us to go to church with them. It was cute.
Visiting the campus was…weird because of how not weird it was. The sheer number of running hugs I received made me incredibly happy. I happened to move in on Homecoming weekend, which I thought was funny and sort of apt. It was interesting because a surprising number of people had no idea I was moving in, they thought I’d just come for the weekend like the other alums. The problem came when I tried to explain what I am doing here. It ran something like this, “Well, you know, I don’t have a job or any leads really, I’m going to start looking for jobs and looking at grad schools, and Beloit seemed like a more fun place to do that from than home.”
Most people seemed to understand when I put it like that, and everyone said how happy they were that I’d decided to come back, but I still saw (or thought I saw) that look in their eye that said “Really? You came back to Beloit? Really?” and made me feel really pathetic.
But why not? It’s not as if I haven’t done anything after graduation. I had a really amazing internship for four months! I had something to do right out of college, and now I don’t have anything, which is the opposite of a lot of people I know who had nothing all summer and are just now getting things. If I weren’t here I’d just be at home, not that I don’t love my parents or my friends from home, it’s just that there aren’t that many friends left there, they all have full time jobs and they almost all live or work in Minneapolis, which is a frustrating drive or a very long bus ride from Bloomington, as opposed to a whole two clubs worth of friends at least four blocks away, plus the ones living off campus and the ones in Madison, etc. Plus the boyfriend on campus, that doesn’t hurt. Plus if I’m applying to jobs in Madison, Milwaukee, or Chicago it means I can actually interview in person, which is helpful. It might be a little silly and self-indulgent but really, what is being 20-something and having no responsibilities for if not to be a little silly and self-indulgent?
I’m trying really hard not to let feeling pathetic ruin feeling happy. Because I am happy. Happy to see my friends and happy to see Alexander, and happy to see the campus and even the city. Sure, being on campus makes me feel weird right now, because it feels so normal. Bounding down the stairs of AST on Saturday night to the sound of Sig Chi’s stereo blaring Bon Jovi felt just like any number of Saturday nights last year. Sitting around in BSFFA playing chess and making fun of each other made me feel like I was shirking homework and should be sleeping because I probably had an early class the next day. All of this made me feel like I was trying to crawl back into a cocoon that I didn’t really fit in or have a right to anymore, but it also felt so good. It’s not as if sitting on Facebook in my room at home, the same one I’ve had since I was seven months old, with all the pictures on my bulletin board of middle school and high school friends would make me feel less pathetic, maybe just more normal because it’s what lots of recent college grads do, and I wouldn’t have to explain it to anyone (because I would be alone most of the time). That would not be better, it would just be less weird, and it’s not as if I’ve let being weird stop me from doing anything before. This is what I want right now, and it’s only for 3 months and then I will do something else. This is a big thing that’s always been a problem for me: I decide to do something that I want to do and then I freak out and worry that it’s not what I should be doing and try to get approval from everyone around me to make sure it really is okay. That’s stupid and I’m going to try to stop doing that. I’m here and I’m glad and maybe I won’t be later but that’s later and I’ll deal with it then. Woo adulthood!
Visiting the campus was…weird because of how not weird it was. The sheer number of running hugs I received made me incredibly happy. I happened to move in on Homecoming weekend, which I thought was funny and sort of apt. It was interesting because a surprising number of people had no idea I was moving in, they thought I’d just come for the weekend like the other alums. The problem came when I tried to explain what I am doing here. It ran something like this, “Well, you know, I don’t have a job or any leads really, I’m going to start looking for jobs and looking at grad schools, and Beloit seemed like a more fun place to do that from than home.”
Most people seemed to understand when I put it like that, and everyone said how happy they were that I’d decided to come back, but I still saw (or thought I saw) that look in their eye that said “Really? You came back to Beloit? Really?” and made me feel really pathetic.
But why not? It’s not as if I haven’t done anything after graduation. I had a really amazing internship for four months! I had something to do right out of college, and now I don’t have anything, which is the opposite of a lot of people I know who had nothing all summer and are just now getting things. If I weren’t here I’d just be at home, not that I don’t love my parents or my friends from home, it’s just that there aren’t that many friends left there, they all have full time jobs and they almost all live or work in Minneapolis, which is a frustrating drive or a very long bus ride from Bloomington, as opposed to a whole two clubs worth of friends at least four blocks away, plus the ones living off campus and the ones in Madison, etc. Plus the boyfriend on campus, that doesn’t hurt. Plus if I’m applying to jobs in Madison, Milwaukee, or Chicago it means I can actually interview in person, which is helpful. It might be a little silly and self-indulgent but really, what is being 20-something and having no responsibilities for if not to be a little silly and self-indulgent?
I’m trying really hard not to let feeling pathetic ruin feeling happy. Because I am happy. Happy to see my friends and happy to see Alexander, and happy to see the campus and even the city. Sure, being on campus makes me feel weird right now, because it feels so normal. Bounding down the stairs of AST on Saturday night to the sound of Sig Chi’s stereo blaring Bon Jovi felt just like any number of Saturday nights last year. Sitting around in BSFFA playing chess and making fun of each other made me feel like I was shirking homework and should be sleeping because I probably had an early class the next day. All of this made me feel like I was trying to crawl back into a cocoon that I didn’t really fit in or have a right to anymore, but it also felt so good. It’s not as if sitting on Facebook in my room at home, the same one I’ve had since I was seven months old, with all the pictures on my bulletin board of middle school and high school friends would make me feel less pathetic, maybe just more normal because it’s what lots of recent college grads do, and I wouldn’t have to explain it to anyone (because I would be alone most of the time). That would not be better, it would just be less weird, and it’s not as if I’ve let being weird stop me from doing anything before. This is what I want right now, and it’s only for 3 months and then I will do something else. This is a big thing that’s always been a problem for me: I decide to do something that I want to do and then I freak out and worry that it’s not what I should be doing and try to get approval from everyone around me to make sure it really is okay. That’s stupid and I’m going to try to stop doing that. I’m here and I’m glad and maybe I won’t be later but that’s later and I’ll deal with it then. Woo adulthood!
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