For a long time I just sat on the other end of the phone completely unable to form words or thoughts, and then it sort of hit me and I spent the next hour and a half bawling and reading tributes to her on Facebook. I still don't really believe it, though.
Chantal Lenway was a spectacular person. I hadn't seen her in six years and we hadn't been close for a few years before that but she and her twin sister, Nicki, were my best friends in middle school and the beginning of high school. When I was a kid I was painfully shy and awkward and didn't have a lot of close friends at school. I started riding horses when I was nine and met Chan and Nicki almost immediately. They were blonde and beautiful and fun and funny and nice and they actually wanted to be my friends. I both idolized and loved them. We became close immediately because I shared their birthday and when you're nine that is an unbreakable bond. Essentially all of my favorite childhood memories revolve around these two. We explored every fair ground we went to together, often drove together on long car rides to shows singing and giggling incessantly and probably driving our mothers crazy, we stayed together for weeks at a time at the barn helping with chores and riding every day, we pretended to be prancing show horses and when we got older we lounged in hot tubs and saunas and gossiped after long days of actually showing. Chan was stiff competition in the show ring and an excellent friend outside of it. She taught me how to put on makeup and that clothes could look good on me. The three of us were the first people ever to get on Athena, who would eventually become my mom's horse.
We grew apart after the barn disbanded. I started making more friends at school, probably because horses and the people I'd met through horses had made me so much more confident and comfortable than I'd ever felt before, and Chan and Nicki were always the type who had a million friends at their own high school. We'd see each other occasionally and we went to each others' graduation parties but since then we'd fallen out of touch. I kept up with what they were doing sometimes through Facebook and of course, we'd trade messages on our birthday, but that was about it. But somehow, though it had been years, I always assumed we'd see each other again. We'd have a barn reunion party or I'd come visit Minnesota for longer than a day and a half and we'd meet up for a drink or something. It hurts an incredible amount to know that won't happen now. I wish I'd kept in better contact. I wish I'd told her how much her and Nicki's friendship meant to me when I was young.
What's worse is she was so young and full of life and love. Everyone, I mean every single person who met Chan just loved her instantly. Why is it always people like that who get taken away so soon? But most of all I worry for Nicki. I'd always envied them for being twins. For having a built-in best friend since Day 1. Now I cannot imagine what it's like to lose that person. I wish I could help but all I can do is send my condolences and pray for her and the rest of her family. They are all wonderful people and none of them deserves to go through this. I wish there was anything, anything at all I could do for them other than remembering and mourning Chan with them. But there isn't. All I can say is that Chan will always be a huge part of my childhood and a huge part of why I am who I am today. She will always be in my heart and the hearts of so, so many. Rest in peace, birthday buddy.
I'm sorry :( *hug*
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